An outbreak of sanity. Bulletin #1:
We are receiving reports that sanity is spreading throughout the country. And it is very contagious. Currently we are working on the theory that this outbreak is viral in nature. Initial reports appeared to indicate that viral contact was computer related and confined to blogs and you tube videos. But now we are receiving reports that tv watching or newspaper reading is also having strange "sane" effects on formerly delusional Americans, who expected wealth to trickle down like rain upon the land. And the Centers for Disease Control now warn that even neighbor to neighbor contact seems likely to spread this rapidly increasing ability to think clearly. Indeed, reason and sound judgment can be affected as well.
Many Americans will wonder whether they are safe. Or whether they can protect their families from this rapidly spreading and extremely powerful virus. At this time, we cannot be sure. But here are some suggestions, based upon our current information. Mega churches appear to have a protective effect. Or any church that opposes evolution. Apparently a persistent belief that every word in the bible is "true," together with a rejection of every evolutionary fact or theory, seems to insulate the minds of some Americans. Thus, taking shelter in such churches or with others of the same "faith" may help for a while, even a long while. (But be cautious about anyone going out, even for food. Local shoppers could easily infect you.)
In addition to certain churches, the virus seems unable to survive well in the RED areas of the enclosed map. Keep in mind, however, that these red areas are shrinking rapidly. And the CDC cannot keep up with the shrinking. "Shrinks" may be implicated in this shrinking. And we are looking into that too.
The CDC is in contact with other government agencies. And we have noticed a strange and worrisome coincidence, related to a "landslide" which the Weather Channel is monitoring. Go here for landslide information. And notice that the RED areas seem to coincide for both of these strange and historic events. Indeed the virus causing sanity seems related to the coming Landslide. As well as to the Tsunamis. And here is another strange geographical circumstance: The Great Lakes states are "turning BLUE." Is the virus in the water? We are looking into that.
Here's our problem. If you are viewing this bulletin on a computer, you are already infected! Too late! You're sane! And likely contributing to the predicted landslide. Newspaper readers and tv viewers of this notice are also at risk. However, if you're reading this in the Bible, you're ok. We're doing our best to slip some notices into bibles.
This may be our last bulletin on this problem. We're running out of ways to remain virus-free ourselves.
Late CDC Update
An outbreak of sanity: Bulletin #2
The virus has been identified. It is the KARMA virus. Expect the landslide. The Sanity. Karmic change is coming for sure!
October 26, 2008 10:50 PM | Reply | Permalink